If my brain came with a planner app, it would 100% have a 1-star review.
It doesn’t ping when it’s supposed to.
It forgets half the things I told it.
And then, out of nowhere, it throws 27 urgent to-dos at me like popcorn exploding in a pan.

Nothing…
Nothing…
…THEN EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE.

Welcome to My ADHD Time Machine

This isn’t just forgetfulness. It’s a time-warping, task-dumping, anxiety-baiting system that was absolutely not made for 21st-century life.

And yet — here I am.
Designated Survivor of my household.
Not because I’m the most qualified (I’m not).
But because I’ve learned how to look like I’ve got it together.

Masking. Micro-managing. Mentally spinning 47 plates.

All while quietly wondering if today’s the day I forget something too important.

Running the Show on a Glitchy Operating System

We’re a neurodivergent household. Which means chaos is baked into the foundation.
And somehow, I’m the one holding the blueprint.
The one who:

• Buys birthday cards (forgets to post them)

• Remembers appointments (in the middle of the night)

• Plans everything (then adjusts when it all changes)

• Tries to keep the house, the fridge, the calendar, and my own brain… sort of functioning

And I don’t even get extra dopamine for this.

The Friction of Different Brains, Different Strategies

Here’s the kicker: even if I manage to build a system — a colour-coded, ADHD-friendly, laminated dream — it only works if other people actually… use it.

But ND households are like a beautiful symphony of conflicting coping mechanisms.

I make lists.
They ignore lists.
I try to plan.
They prefer to “see how we feel.”
I send reminders.
They bristle with psychological reactance like I just micromanaged their soul.

It’s like trying to run a ship where I’m the captain, but everyone else is following a different tide chart — and also allergic to maps.

The Invisible Load of "High-Functioning" ADHD

People assume I’ve got it all sorted.
That I’m “so organised” or “on top of everything.”
Because from the outside, it looks like that.

What they don’t see is:

• The mental labour of remembering other people’s stuff

• The exhaustion of overthinking every tiny social slip

• The shame spiral when I do forget something important

• The emotional whiplash of trying to hold it together, kindly, while no one else notices you're drowning

When I miss a birthday or forget to reply to a message from someone I love… I don’t get off the hook. I get guilt, overwhelm, and silence.

So... What Actually Helps?

Let’s be real. There’s no magical solution that makes ADHD time-blindness, executive function overload, and household management suddenly seamless.
But there are things that help — and not just in theory.

1. Build systems for how your brain works now, not how you wish it worked.

If you only check one app a day, that’s where your planner should live. If your brain doesn’t register time, use countdowns, not clocks. Do what works for you...if multiple lists and Alexa shoutouts are working then do that and ignore the 'use trello it'll change your life' fanatics (I have one of those in my house).

2. Expect inconsistency — but plan for return.

You will fall off routines. That’s not failure — that’s the design. Create systems that are easy to come back to. 

3. Make the invisible visible.

Use whiteboards, shared lists, visual calendars. ADHD brains are often “out of sight, out of mind” — so make stuff visible and external. But don't feel bad when everyone ignores it...try, try, try again right?!? Then tweak it, try again, or scrap it and start fresh — that’s allowed.

4. Reduce family friction with transparency.

Explain why systems matter to your brain. Not to control — but to function. You’re not being bossy. You’re trying to survive. This one is tricky, start the conversation with empathy:

"I can see you find it annoying when I..."

Then explain where you're coming from "I don't want to take over but if we collaborate on this system thing I'll have more bandwidth to be a nicer, less 'yappy' human."

5. Add a Wingman.

Having someone (or something) backing you up — reminding, re-anchoring, not judging — can be the difference between meltdown and momentum.  

Why Pair Thinking Helps

Most tools expect consistency.
Most people don’t understand what it really feels like to be the one remembering everything… while your brain is also forgetting itself.

Pair Thinking was built for this kind of life:

• The back-up brain when yours is maxed out

• The wingman who doesn’t judge

• A place to offload, organise, and re-engage — without pressure

• Somewhere to riff ideas and pre-plan when you need to navigate family friction and difficult conversations

• Made by people who get that “functioning” isn’t the same as “OK”

It’s not about becoming a productivity machine.
It’s about feeling less alone while you do your best to keep the wheels on.

Final Thought

If your brain feels like a faulty popcorn maker,
If you're holding the household together with reminder apps, fridge magnets, and quiet panic...
If you're doing it all and still wondering if you're failing...

You’re not.

You’re managing more than anyone sees.You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. And you’re absolutely allowed to get support — especially when you’re the one holding it all up.